2021: REST & TRUST.

As we all do, when the new year came, I began to reflect on all that God had brought me through during 2020.

I didn't want to make a New Year's resolution. I wanted a new me but the only way to find that was to listen for what God was saying about the 2020 me.

THINKING BACK:

At a very pivotal moment in 2020, I realized that I had been searching for ways that I could control or change situations. I found myself acting instead of observing. Full of motion instead of being still. Full of rage instead of peace. I allowed my emotions and opinions to determine how I prayed, worshipped, and warred.

Don't mistake my words... There is NOTHING wrong with praying, worshipping, and warring. It is actually NECESSARY. There is nothing wrong with covering your mental health, your children, your marriage, or your career in the Word of God and His presence. There is NOTHING wrong with believing that God could and possibly would fix it, change it, or restore it. So that's what I did. I begged God to change it. I begged God for favor. I ultimately made compromises and promises that I will never be able to live up to.

I didn't want to face the inevitable. I didn't want to believe what had fully become a new normal for my family and I. I didn't want to ponder the possibility that God had fully allowed these bitter times into my life. It hadn't even crossed my mind that He was using the bitter to make me better. I had forgotten that He has given me everything I need to face it all, and be okay at the same time.

He has since spoken to me that this is my year of rest. And trust.

By rest, He doesn't just mean lying down and going to sleep. Although I hadn't been getting good sleep.

He's calling my mind, my thoughts, to rest. He's calling my attitude, my quick responses to calm. He's calling me to quit being so busy, trying to force His hand to perform His plan. He's calling me to be still and know that He is God. To rest in what He said and His goodness.

Although it's still early in the year, I am already finding that the ability to rest has allowed me to trust. Really trust.

Over the years of believing for certain miracles and moves of God, people offer you their story. Which I am thankful for. The stories of how it didn't look like God was going to come through and after years, just when they were about to give up, He moved. They tell you these stories to encourage, and deep down, you know that if He did it for them, He will do it for you.

Before entering into rest, I thought that I was fully trusting God. Turns out... I wasn't. If I'm being honest, many times over the past year, I have found myself in pain and under great pressure. What I was expecting God to do...was not happening. How I thought He would move and when. It didn't seem like He was moving at all. If you watched the last VLOG where I was talking about "round 2" you heard me talk about the uncomfortableness of waiting while you are wanting. I have not truly just been waiting on God.

I am not saying that I am struggling with believing for the miracle. I am more faith-full than I have been in months. Since launching this site and opening up with the world about my story, I have felt more peace and motivation towards the promise than ever. It's right around the corner. BUT-- I fully believe that it hasn't happened yet because God is still building. Restoring. Developing. There are things that He wants to remove and there are things that He wants to grow. And that's what is happening right now. Waiting means trusting. Trusting means resting. Resting means peace.

Our promises are precious to God. He doesn't just speak. He isn't just telling us things and promising things to pacify us. He also is not promising things to bribe us. This is bigger than us. Our promises are kingdom promises. Our promises are glory promises. Our promises are what provoke faith for the supernatural. If it was easy, if it just happened when we first asked, it wouldn't challenge our prayer life. It wouldn't cause us to sacrifice our flesh. We would be whiny, spoiled, entitled Christians.

So what it comes down to is this... If you're not at peace, you're not resting. You're not trusting. You're not waiting.

Like me, you're rushing. Rushing what God wants to take time on. The building takes time. The growth takes time. And then... when He does move on your behalf.. your character, integrity, and maturity will be able to carry the promise. You will be carrying what carried you. You will be strong enough for the promise. You will appreciate the promise as it should be appreciated. And when I say "you," I really mean, me.