GIFTS FROM GOD
A few of my many gifts, that the enemy has always tried to take away from me, are my faith and me being comfortable with sharing my upbringing; to tell where I came from, how the Lord has changed me, where I am now.
My faith has always been a “childlike faith." Meaning to have no doubt and trust in something unshakable.
Even though I haven’t always had the guidance that I should’ve had as a Christian, my faith has always been strong. There has been plenty of times when I would put my faith over fear and prayed that things in a bad or scary situation would be okay and things would turn out to be okay. I mean.. I’m here today...that's enough proof in itself!
I’m not really the one to post about my life experiences. That’s the uncomfortable part. I more so prefer to talk one-on-one with someone.
But, while I’m changing for mine and my husband’s ministry, I do have to make some changes. As a Christian, a follower of Christ, we have to get out of our comfort zone. Our story and testimony isn’t something to be uncomfortable about. Our God uses that to encourage others that may be going through the same things we went through. He is showing them that He can make a way out for them too. All they have to do is walk through their circumstance and into God's love and grace.
For me, I’ve been letting the enemy convince me that if I share my story then I will be judged or looked down on. Now, we all know there will always be someone to have something to say about anything. But, if MY story will help a soul, then I will get out of my comfort zone and share it. Our goal, as believers, should be to encourage the people in the dark. The one that don’t see a way out.
Here's a little bit of my story..
From a very young age, I was being molested. I didn’t know it was a bad thing. I was confused. As you know, as stated in my previous blogs, I had children young. That was because of how my childhood was. This stuff was happening to me but I always was told, “don’t have sex because that’s a sin." So, as you can, it’s already confusing. I was being molested on the regular but being taught, at the same time, not to have sex because it’s a sin. I can remember thinking, "Wouldn’t molestation be a sin too?"
So, years go by, and then I’m no longer a virgin. My life was full of chaos for about 2-3 years. Before I knew it, I was walking all around town, stopped caring about life, was smoking marijuana (I was not addicted I was just doing it to do it), and so much more. I was just a mess.
At 14, I knew I was pregnant but didn’t tell anyone but close friends. One day, I started bleeding at school. Then I HAD to tell my mom and of course she was highly upset. My sister was in denial. My grandma, on my moms side, was just praying, and praying, and praying. My other grandma wanted me to have an abortion (with both of my children). It was just so crazy. But in all of this, I realized, after I finally seen those two lines, I needed to change my life.
All glory to God, I did.
I stopped smoking, stopped walking around town, stopped doing most of the things I was doing. I was 5 months pregnant when I told the family. With only 4 months to prepare and buy stuff, everyone was kind of freaking out. I mentioned some other stuff about my pregnancy with AJ in my previous blogs so feel free to go back and read!
I really do look at my children as gifts from God. They brought me out of the dark place I was in. They helped me be a better person. They were and are my main reason for wanting to go back to church. I do realize now why the Bible says wait until marriage to have sex. Trust me, I do. But I wouldn’t trade my children for anything. They are another gift that God has given me.
xoxo-Biyankah