LOVE FOUND ME
With my last blog post, I spoke of my previous relationship and the toxic effect it had on me at that time. I thought leaving was the hard part, but obstacles kept coming and fights with him still happened. I had to learn how to navigate around coparenting with a narcissist and maintaining my happiness.
I swore off men, and relationships in general. I was busy working and providing for my then, 4 year old daughter. I focused on painting our old furniture, buying kitchen appliances, making a home for the two of us, planning vacations and gaining the strength that I needed to be a single mother. I was praying for God’s will, but wasn’t expecting it so soon.
You see, I never planned to be divorced, no one really does, right?! So naturally, I felt like I had disappointed God by giving up, all while feeling strong in Him for knowing my worth. It was a strange and hard to keep up conversation when we would “talk." I would cry out that I couldn’t do it alone, and then laugh when He says, "You can handle all that comes your way."
In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I’d share one of the biggest blessings in my life, my soul mate.
I wouldn’t necessarily say that I “found” love, it found me. As cliché as that sounds, it had to slap me right in the face for me to know that it was there.
I was focused on Kinslee and I. I was planning a Christmas trip to Disney. It was a quick 4-day trip with my mom, Kinslee and I. We had our bags packed, a small tree for our room and a few presents to open the next morning, and we were off. My phone had a notification; a message from a family friend. I opened the message and replied. I don’t even remember what now, but that’s where it all started.
As with any “new love”, I wanted to constantly check my phone to see if he had replied, but this time was different than any other boy that came into my inbox….this felt right. He checked off every box on a list that I had created to ensure I wouldn’t settle again. I suppressed my feelings and as soon as I returned home and then I confided in my lifelong friend. She encouraged him to come over and hang out the next day, which was Christmas Day. Not thinking that he would, I asked and sure enough, he did.
That day, life changed as I knew it.
I couldn’t wait for Kinslee to meet him, and finally see how a man is supposed to treat a lady. One night, about a month after she met him, as I was tucking her in, she said, “Mom, I get it now.” That was all she said, and I think she may have meant how happy I was. Maybe she meant that she finally felt the love we were suppose to have. I'm not really sure, but it was my sign that I was right where I needed to be.
We both felt the instant connection, and wondered why now, why us. Things sped along just the way they were meant to, and now we have a child together and share a beautiful life.
He is still my best friend and the peaceful, secure, dream that I had always prayed for as a child.
I look back at how many times that I prayed for the man I would end up with. Thinking back now, I wasn’t specific in asking for no speed bumps along the way. We both had, not so perfect relationships, and that helps us to appreciate what we have now. I am sure that God placed us and made us specifically for each other.
Yes, it’s mushy, but I will instill in both of my children to pray for what you want, don’t settle until you get it and in the meantime, and work on yourself. You want to be the best version of yourself to give them; when they come around.
I hope more than anything that they will know as for sure as I did, the second I laid my eyes on Cheston!
As we move into the "love month," keep in mind:
"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 NIV
xoxo-Karen